*Disclaimer: This topic may cause some controversy, but I’m just speaking from my own perspective.*
Throughout the years, I have witnessed multiple women and gay male associates of mine go through ups and downs in their relationships. I have seen them stay with a man who clearly was no good for them, and blame the no good man when he doesn’t change. Nah sis, blame yourself! Blame yourself for not leaving earlier, blame yourself for lowering your standards, blame yourself for wasting your own time!
Referring back to my last blog post, “The Art of Multi-Dating,” I explained that multi-dating allows you to determine your likes and dislikes, as well as what you will and won’t tolerate. Now, for the new folks who don’t understand this concept, I’m sure you have been in a relationship with a person that you had no business getting involved with in the first place. Years of your life likely wasted because they didn’t want to commit, or they were terrible at communicating. Maybe they didn’t give you the attention you needed and/or deserved. They took what you brought to the table for granted, but who’s fault is that? Certainly not theirs! That’s all you sis!
You’re the one who decided to put up with all that BS. Imagine this scenario: A man cheats on you more than once at the beginning of your relationship and you take him back every time. Now, it’s years later, you’re in a committed relationship with him and he cheats again. You call him a liar and cheater and now you’re mad because you wasted your time with a man who didn’t value you. All I can say is, don’t blame him for cheating, but blame yourself for staying in the first place. You set the foundation of what was allowed when you first started dating.
I, personally, am able to stay with a man who cheats on me ONE time during the course of our relationship, as long as: 1. He acknowledges his wrong doing, 2. Is sincerely apologetic about it, and 3. We work on moving forward TOGETHER versus just a forgive and forget. Now if you cheat on me more than once, it’s a done deal. HOWEVER, if I’m dating a man and he cheats on me during the beginning of our relationship, why the f*** would I continue to stay? That is a MASSIVE sign to get out fast!
Don’t get confused ladies and gents, a man will test your limits to see how much he can get away with. Just as a toddler attempting to touch a hot stove, if a man doesn’t feel the heat and pain from his actions he will continue the behavior. Without any consequences, he now knows that you’re not going anywhere regardless of what he does. I urge you to never settle simply due to the fear of being alone. Sh*t I would rather be happy and alone versus looking like boo boo the fool and dealing with nonsense that doesn’t bring me peace.
You must learn how to be happy by yourself! That is and will always be Rule #1. If you can’t be happy by your lonesome, what makes you think you will be happy with someone else? Stop lowering your standards for these men who do not deserve you. Acknowledge who you are and what you bring to the table. Don’t lower your value for a man who can’t see your value.
So next time you end up in a situation and you want to blame your significant other for not being the person you want them to be, blame yourself for not leaving and settling for a person you never wanted..